i enjoy writing but I don’t make time for it much. Whenever I am actually writing, like now, it’s because I am really busting at the seams to unload the junk in my head, and i just don’t feel like being in the studio. I usually would completely prefer work in the studio but tonight it still needs to be cleaned before I can work, and while working in the studio is better than writing, writing beats cleaning the studio. I’ll clean the studio in the daylight. I don’t mind it as much when I’m not working by artificial light.

So what’s all this in my head to unload? Good question. I remember the other day thinking how I wanted to write about something but now I only remember I wanted to write. So here I am. I’ll say this: I don’t know where to write anymore…. I had started writing on the platform Medium so very long ago, then I switched to my personal journal which is a Google doc. Then I started to write on Substack but I was having problems but also gaining subscribers. What do I do about that? I had given up writing on Substack and then I kept getting emails that I had a new subscriber to my writing. Hmmm. Maybe I should write there if there’s people that want to read this crap?

Now I’m writing this directly into my dumb, totally obscure, you can’t even subscribe to this feed, blog. Blog? Yes I’m writing a blog like it’s 2005. Coincidentally I was totally writing a blog in 2005 on Wordoress.org, and I have always wondered why I ended up on WordPress.org and how that was different than WordPress.com, which is actually where I’m writing now, 20 years later… I lost track of that old blog, and login credentials. I wrote so much there and I always wish I could find it. I’ve found bits of it on the a Wayback Machine but then when I found it I didn’t take time to read anything because I was too interested in doing something more constructive at that time.

whatever. The point is that all this writing I do? It’s pointless for the most part. It’s a good exercise for me, to unload stuff in my brain and heart, and I’ll sleep better, but it’s also kinda fun to see where it goes, to see if anyone notices, and to enjoy creating in obscurity. I just realized the reason I’m writing here on my blog page, is because Sadie recently texted to say she read something here🤷🏻 how crazy is it that? I can use emojis here. What a world!

So here’s an idea. cutting edge idea. I’m going to copy and paste this text to my Substack and my Medium pages. I’ll be completely honest: I don’t care if I never post at either of those places again. It’s not that I like this ridiculous sad excuse for a website, but I do like that it’s hard to find. Why? Because I think I can cope with people reading my rambling by seeking it out, more than the idea of just picking a platform to write on, and building some random audience by chance. What I’m saying makes no sense whatsoever, so I’ll try to break it down another way.

I like to write sometimes. I need to choose WHERE I want to write sometimes. I like Medium. I could choose that. Substack has some advantages and I could choose that. I can continue to write in my Google doc…. for posterity? Or I can write in this very obscure corner of the Internet, where is not completely hidden from the world, but it’s not exactly out there hanging out with the general public. I’ll likely change my mind next week but at this moment I’m trying to tell anyone who actually cares, I’m thinking I’ll just be posting on my personal page, teamredundantteam.com. It’s sortof like the time in 2015 I made a podcast every week for a year and never told a soul I was doing it because I was self conscious. I have this strong desire to hide some of the projects I’m working on. If there’s anyone seriously interested well they will find what they are looking for eventually.

Ok my biggest fear at this moment, not seriously but sorta actually…. Is that i will lose everything I’ve just written and will write forthcoming. I somehow accidentally delete maybe as much writing as I don’t delete. About half the time after writing for long periods, I hit some button and everything I just said is lost forever. This is obviously not a very big deal because I never say anything that earth shattering. BUT, it’s pretty frustrating to finally sit down to write (I’m laying on the couch swipe trying on my phone actually,) and then have it all disappear in an instant. So I’ve mostly gotten into the habit of writing on Google drive, where my work is saved automatically as I write, and then copy and pasting the text into whatever platform I’m on. But somehow tonight, I was trying to figure out how to even access the blog, and then here I am writing, and I’m like dangit, none of this is being saved automatically and when I try to select all so I can MOVE this whole operation to Drive, for some reason it only selects all of the paragraph I’m currently writing and there’s no way in hell I can go through from the beginning to now, selecting paragraphs one by one and moving them to drive to be saved and then brought back over here later. No way I’m going through all that. I’d rather it all disappear than go through that rigamarole.

Which brings me to this: I am going to try and post this . publish this. Whatever you call it. If this is going to be where I write. Next timeI’ll

just begin on drive, write my little heart out, and bring it into this place…. Next time.

i picked the title before the writing. I had every intention of writing about Christmas, where I’m at right now in late December, and all of the lights and colors and sentiment that are around me this holiday. But I have that fear that I’ll write it all, it will be the sweetest and best thing I ever wrote, and I’ll hit the wrong button or my phone will die, and it will all be lost. So instead I’ll publish this and I’ll come back real soon with the Christmas story I meant to write tonight. Because think about it, I still have to figure out how to cut and paste all this, completely and not paragraph by paragraph, and publish it to Medium and Substack, so readers looking to watch me chase my tail with words, can find my at this blog so hidden and obscure.

I’m hoping that once it’s published on my website, I’ll be able to select all then, cut and paste to those 2 other places I mentioned. I’m hoping that.

AND I’m hoping we all enjoy some time with our families this holiday, and that we somehow see, with our third eye, that we’re all here on Earth for what is really just a blip, and we should put politics and bullshit aside, and relax into the life we’ve been blessed with., and figure out how to enjoy the company that we end up around. You know what I mean? Oh it always makes more sense in my head than it does on paper. To be honest I just love hanging out with my family so I’m wishing this same good feeling on you.

i have not written to this blog from my phone before I don’t think. I hope I can figure out how to publish this. I’m so old. Lord have mercy it’s almost 1am. Good night. Check back to this station for more about nonsense, common sense, and the stuff I need to unload from my overloaded mind app. Merry Christmas.